Just another manic Sunday?

There's nothing like the two hours before Sunday morning worship that make me question my sanity, my salvation, and my success as a parent. Today was one of those tumultuous Sunday mornings. My four year decided to act like a two year old and throw the world's biggest tantrum over wearing a coat to bible class. Had it not been 12 degrees outside I would have let him go shirtless after that fit, but because I love my son I forced the coat. He screamed all the way to church, which thankfully is only one block. At which point I noticed that my three year old had blue marker circling his eyes from the night previous. Don't ask. We made it in the building, and that was all I had to be thankful for at that point with exception to the two Ibuprofen awaiting me at home.

An hour earlier I had horrible feelings of doubt. I have never felt called to be a minister's wife. I do not feel particularly capable or gifted with those sweet compassionate tendencies that normal minister's wives hold. I know I am not a good Sunday school teacher which is what started the whole downward cycle into a pity party as I prepared to face the kindergarteners this morning. I'm still holding some really bitter feelings toward people who picked on my mom when she held the title of minister's wife. Most of the time I feel I'm sorting out my own faith rather that being a rock for someone to cling to in difficult times. I doubt a lot. I question daily. This morning as I forced myself over the threshold of the church building (ten minutes late), I did not want to be there.

I am blessed to have good friends at this congregation who listen to me, hold me accountable, and see through my pretenses. Today, those friends helped me through. You see, everyone has bad days, not just me, not just minister's wives. Everyone's child throws a fit sometime. Everyone doubts their capabilities or their giftedness. The difference and perhaps the saving grace for all of us are our friends. Scripture teaches us that the early church spent time together. They ate together and shared everything. They were a family. This is how I know I can make it, my family.

Thank you to Laura who listened to me today for just a few minutes.
Thank you to Colleen who reminded me that children grow up and sometimes even love their mothers afterward.
Thank you to Heather who saw through my frantic craziness and just made me laugh.
Thank you to April who hugged me and reminded me of why I'm here.

Today was a good day despite it's beginning. I am ever thankful for the grace of the Father who leads us to a place of fellowship and friendship. Tomorrow please bless someone's day by listening, by hugging, by smiling, and by reminding them of what it's all about. If you do not have friends to help you through difficult times, find some. We were not made to make it through the bad days alone.

I hope I can bless people tomorrow the way you girls blessed me today.

Overcome.

Signs. Those of us who believe in an unseen singular God oftentimes look for signs from Him. How silly of us to ask for proof of something permanently unseen, right? What we truly seek is to comfort ourselves while entrenched in a worldview that screams, “Nuh uh, I don’t see it, and I'm unhappy. Therefore it is not there.”

I let these human tricks of mind and matter bog me down sometimes. I don’t stop believing. I simply buy into the human incessant nagging for signs. And yet, signs are all around existing as a reminder. I’d like to share a recent experience risking eye rolls from the masses.

A few weeks ago I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed to run on the treadmill of which I’d rather beat with a sledge. While hating every monotonous step, I began to pray for signs. Not for me, but for someone close to me. Not to prove the existence of God, but to prove this person’s need for God. Soon enough I started to dwell on the fact that we simply don’t have proof. In anger, I asked those age old questions that plague believers regularly …

"Why can’t YOU prove yourself?"

"Why can’t YOU do something?"

"Can’t you see those of us down here waiting for YOU to take a step?"

As soon as I mouthed the last question a song by David Crowder Band began on my iPod, a song that I had never heard before, one that my husband added to the mix the day previous. Usually I would not share lyrics on my blog, but here goes. (I linked it up so you can listen to it if you would like.) If it impacted my life then surely it will touch someone out in internet land…

SMS-Shine

Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper.
Throw me a line
‘Cause I am listening.
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening.
Bring me to life
‘Cause I am fading.
Surround me wish the rush of angels’ wings.

Shine your light so I can see You.
Pull me up; I need to be near You.
Hold me, I need to feel love.
Can You overcome this heart that’s overcome?

You sent a sign,
a hint, a whisper.
Human divine,
Heaven is listening.
Death laid love quiet.
Yet in the night a stirring
All around—-The rush of angels’ wings.

Shine Your light so all can see it.
Lift it up ‘cause the whole world needs it.
Love has come what joy to hear it.
HE has overcome!
He has overcome!

Oh the wonder of the greatest love has come.


Today we ask for signs, but the truth is our sign came and overcame death. Frankly it is selfish to ask the author of our lives for more considering what he did for us. Faith IS believing in things unseen. We won’t find proof because that defeats the purpose of faith entirely doesn’t it, and negates God's wish for us to love Him out of freewill.

Today when we believe, WE are the world’s sign. The most harm is done to Christianity when we waver and selfishly require him to prove himself over and over after all he's already done. We will be left wanting every time if more proof is required to win a love that should be based on faith and the sacrifice of a sign sent 2000 years ago. He came to overcome the need for signs, and still we missed it.


You spoke to me through music again, Lord. Thank you.

Slimy Popcorn Kernels.

When a parent witnesses a child do smart things, I don’t think it is unusual for that parent to blow it out of proportion and determine that they, through the wonders of genetics, gifted the world with the next Einstein. When a parent sees their child do suspiciously odd things, parents write it off as momentary silliness. Finally, when parents witness their children doing something completely dumb and unexplainable, that’s when they begin to worry. Ironically, questioning the same gene pool again.

The other day for a second time my near three year old shoved a popcorn kernel up his nose for fun. The first time he did this it was quite an ordeal. There was sneezing and some squealing involved along with a panicked older sister. It took a good thirty minutes to get the slimy little thing out of his nose. ~And yet, what do we have? Not a week later my son in all his genetic brilliance shoves another popcorn kernel up his nose. I couldn’t believe it.

Now, I know that he is little. I get that. Furthermore, had it not been less than a week since the last time he nearly inhaled raw popcorn I might have just disregarded it as silliness. I don’t believe my son is dumb. Quite the contrary I often fear my youngest child is diabolically brilliant. It struck me as odd that he would do this once. It freaked me out a little that he repeated the action forgetting the discomfort involved.

When the slimy little thing shot out of his nose thanks to a big sneeze, I suddenly realized that I am not much different from my nostril stuffing son.

Time and time again, I do things that must leave God questioning what I’m thinking. I make the same mistakes monotonously. I even make mistakes that I thought I had learned from. I should know better having experienced the previous discomfort, but I find myself in the same shoes as my son sneezing away trying to fix my redundant popcorn kernels…speaking symbolically, of course.

The nice thing about God is He will be there forgiving me, forgetting my popcorn kernels as long as I keep trying to do better. Clearly, this is all silliness and life is bigger and tougher than popcorn up a two year olds nose. Yet, I remember this…“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.” I Corinthians 1:25.

Whether it’s popcorn kernels or a rebellious spirit my wisdom is merely God’s foolishness. He knows what is best for me, and within that omnipotence is the understanding that I will make mistakes, the same mistakes, again and again. I’m so thankful he forgives my chronicity.

Thankful.

This month I challenge you to dwell on your blessings; to think of at least one thing each day that you are thankful for. I would like to list some of mine now…

I’m thankful for strangers. People who I don’t know, but who have helped me and my family by word or deed.

I’m thankful for teachers/professors that forced me to open my mind even when a crowbar was required.

I’m thankful for my parents who taught me faith, scripture and some amazing southern cooking.

I’m thankful for distant relatives and the opportunity to know them better. My roots are now my heart strings.

I’m thankful for friends. Friends who live all over the place, but they don’t stop loving me because of it. Friends who digitally hold my hand through everything…and I mean everything.

I’m thankful for that guy who dumped me so that I’d go to OC and find a better guy.

I’m thankful for my sweet, loyal, forgiving, patient, Godly man that I am so blessed to know and cuddle up with every night.

I’m thankful for Facebook.

I’m thankful for music. Most days I am not without it, and the days that I am are not the best. Music led me to my friends. Music inspires me to write. Music brings me to my knees and lifts me up to praise. Music is a huge part of my life.

I’m thankful for my children. I’m thankful for pink Barbie clothes and Matchbox cars all over my house. I’m thankful for how much my children teach me about life and love and faith.

I’m thankful for forgiveness. I need it so often. On that note…

I’m REALLY thankful for grace and mercy.

I’m thankful for people who still have faith even when media and everything else attempts to brainwash us into forgetting Jesus.

I’m thankful for pie…pumpkin pie and coffee. God must love us…food tastes so good.

I’m thankful for the word of God and how it brings his children closer to Him.

I'm thankful for Jesus who thought we were worth dying for.

I could go on, but I hope this short list encourages you to come up with a few blessings of your own. Peace to you this THANKFUL season.

Halloween Inconsistencies.

1. I encourage my kids to be themselves...except on Halloween.

2. I encourage my kids to not talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, or go near a stranger's house...except on Halloween.

3. I encourage my kids to make healthy eating choices and not gorge themselves on sugary sweets and chocolate...except on Halloween.

4. I hear myself saying, "Don't be scared of the man dressed in black carrying a bloody sickle"...only on Halloween.

This is but a short list of a few things that I'm doing that are probably permanently scaring and confusing my children.