Sunday, January 3, 2010

Just another manic Sunday?

There's nothing like the two hours before Sunday morning worship that make me question my sanity, my salvation, and my success as a parent. Today was one of those tumultuous Sunday mornings. My four year decided to act like a two year old and throw the world's biggest tantrum over wearing a coat to bible class. Had it not been 12 degrees outside I would have let him go shirtless after that fit, but because I love my son I forced the coat. He screamed all the way to church, which thankfully is only one block. At which point I noticed that my three year old had blue marker circling his eyes from the night previous. Don't ask. We made it in the building, and that was all I had to be thankful for at that point with exception to the two Ibuprofen awaiting me at home.

An hour earlier I had horrible feelings of doubt. I have never felt called to be a minister's wife. I do not feel particularly capable or gifted with those sweet compassionate tendencies that normal minister's wives hold. I know I am not a good Sunday school teacher which is what started the whole downward cycle into a pity party as I prepared to face the kindergarteners this morning. I'm still holding some really bitter feelings toward people who picked on my mom when she held the title of minister's wife. Most of the time I feel I'm sorting out my own faith rather that being a rock for someone to cling to in difficult times. I doubt a lot. I question daily. This morning as I forced myself over the threshold of the church building (ten minutes late), I did not want to be there.

I am blessed to have good friends at this congregation who listen to me, hold me accountable, and see through my pretenses. Today, those friends helped me through. You see, everyone has bad days, not just me, not just minister's wives. Everyone's child throws a fit sometime. Everyone doubts their capabilities or their giftedness. The difference and perhaps the saving grace for all of us are our friends. Scripture teaches us that the early church spent time together. They ate together and shared everything. They were a family. This is how I know I can make it, my family.

Thank you to Laura who listened to me today for just a few minutes.
Thank you to Colleen who reminded me that children grow up and sometimes even love their mothers afterward.
Thank you to Heather who saw through my frantic craziness and just made me laugh.
Thank you to April who hugged me and reminded me of why I'm here.

Today was a good day despite it's beginning. I am ever thankful for the grace of the Father who leads us to a place of fellowship and friendship. Tomorrow please bless someone's day by listening, by hugging, by smiling, and by reminding them of what it's all about. If you do not have friends to help you through difficult times, find some. We were not made to make it through the bad days alone.

I hope I can bless people tomorrow the way you girls blessed me today.


  1. Great read! I have felt that way so many times.....thanks!

  2. Well, I said my piece on skype, so I won't reiterate it here :-) I feel ya', friend! And you're right, we need those friends who, just at the right moment, offer some much-needed grace, love and laughter. That's what the Church is all about, Charlie Brown.

  3. Thank you for this post! It is very helpful to know that I am not alone in these feelings. Unfortunately, I am at a point where I don't have any dear friends at church so it has become very difficult for me during the doubtful, stressful, and lonely times. It helps to know that another minister's wife feels the same way as I do sometimes.

  4. Thanks, Ben.

    Thanks, Bri. :)

    Sweet Minister's Wife-

    I know exactly what you mean. I've been there! There was a time when my husband and I worked with a congregation where we had no one. At least, it seemed this way. Looking back I wonder if that was MY problem or MY perception, and not necessarily the case.

    BUT-being a minister's wife does isolate you in a way that no one understands unless they've been in your shoes. My saving grace has been other minister's wives. They understand. My husband and I cling to our peers and try to attend conferences and lectureships while keeping in close contact with dear friends who also work in ministry. This has saved us. Moreover, when I have those relationships in place (for me) it is easier for me to recognize that my job isn't necessarily to gain relationships for myself from the church I work. Instead I focus on my job as being an advocate for creating better relationships with Christ and helping create opportunities for relationships within the congregation to grow.

    Also---a minister's wife should NEVER believe that her husband's job is not hers as well. I can't think of another job in all of creation that effects a family greater than that of a minister. (Maybe a military, family?) It is a joint, if not familial, effort. :)

    Blessings to you, and may God bless you with someone on which to lean during this time.


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