Anxious Death.

Several weeks ago my closest friends and I determined to read a book together and discuss via facebook message chapter by chapter. We chose a book called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I was reluctant to jump on the Beth Moore bandwagon, but I will tell you that I am pleasantly surprised by the blessing this book has offered my life. The funny thing is for a typical female, like me, who is plagued by the abundant amount of insecurity that this culture slathers on with airbrushed beauties begging me to buy more and weigh less, there were times while reading that I felt even more insecure simply because I was reading a book on insecurity. Sounds maniacal, doesn’t it? Welcome to my world.

This morning I received my daily text from my dad. Every morning I count on hearing from him with a weather report and an “I love you”. I treasure each message and I admire that my retirement age daddy uses texting on his phone like a teenager with tendonitis. This morning the message was a little different. It read, “Good morning Sweetheart. Beautiful day, beautiful clouds with a sunrise shining through. God is in control and we experience the beauty. My sister is getting ready to go and be with HIM. The years have been so short from Eskota (TX) to now. Make memories and treasure them. I love you. Because HE always lives! Dad”

Yesterday, I let anxiety control me. Every second of my day was consumed with worries, which lead to panic, which lead to anger. Moments that should be shared with my sweet children stole away with my arrogant demand for control in my life. This morning, I regret yesterday. I regret allowing anxiety to control me. I regret making anxiety my God. I regret making ME my God.

My dad faces the death of his sweet sister with hope and with joyous memories of a beautiful rich life. My dad leans on the everlasting arm of the Father in the face of the biggest trial of life, our earthly goodbye. Yesterday, I spent my day with obnoxious concerns over the economy and a grumpy persons ill temper when ahead what waits is the glorious bountiful eternity that my family will reach one day. I am ashamed. I am ashamed that I wasted my time.

I don’t know about you, but when I give anxiety and insecurity the steering wheel of my life, I become mean. I place blame on others. I lose my temper. I lose sense of reality. I lose time, sleep, and fingernails. I give in to my human need for control and end up frantically clawing my way through life leaving scars on everything and everyone I come in contact. I make MOUNTAINS out of molehills and stomp around like my four year old on his way to a time-out.

Here's what I've come to: Insecurity and anxiety are intentional steps taken to slap God's promise of faithfulness in the face and say "I don't trust you to take care of me". If we let insecurity and anxiety control us, we make ourselves miserable and end up stressing every relationship we have.

The blessing of a family of believers is this: There is no fear in death, only peace. The blessing of having a believing father is this: peace in a death when other anxious and non-faithful souls revel in hysteria. The blessing of having a provisional heavenly FATHER is this: He is God and HE has me and all whom I love in HIS hand. God is God and we are not, and that, my friends, is peace.

When you live a life of anxiety and insecurity you are clinging to death. With every fiber of your being you scream I want earth! I want this life! I want control! When you embrace insecurity you willingly let the evil one control you. When you embrace anxiety you make YOU and YOUR plan more important than God’s plan.

I don’t want that. I want real life, a life controlled by the Father. I want a life that allows me to hold my head high and walk away from the craziness and hysteria of imaginary control. I want a life of leaning on the arms of the Father and relinquishing control to HIM, the maker of heaven and earth.

I will not fear death. I will not fear life. I will not fear people who attempt to control either. My God is in control and my family is on their way to meet HIM. When I get there these trivial annoyances, these pebbles in my shoe will be a distant and painless memory.

I pray that I am reaching a point of spiritual maturity that my daddy reached a long time ago.

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The LORD in the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh,my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me, yet I will be confident.

One thing I have asked of the LORD, that I will seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in HIS temple.

For HE will hide me in HIS shelter in the day of trouble;
HE will conceal me under the cover of HIS tent;
HE will lift me high upon a rock.

Psalm 27:1-5


How silly of me to think that I should be insecure! Look at my Father! Look at what HE has done! He has paid the check, made me beautiful, and taken care of my enemy. He took on anxiety and insecurity and snuffed them out with a renewed breath of life in HIS SON! He has made it so not even death is anxious. Goodbye death! HELLO LIFE!