Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Vengeance on Children.

Here is a list of things I dream of doing to embarrass my children one day when they are teenagers. These things have all been proudly perfomed by my children... most of the time in public.

When my kids are teens I will seek retribution by...

1. Dropping to the ground in the middle of a Wal-mart and kick my legs and scream.

2. Pull something from my nose and bring it to them like a gift OR just wipe it on their pants.

3. Walk into a crowd of people and exclaim, "I NEED TO GO POOOOOP!"

4. Yell loudly from the bathroom, "I Peed! or "I pooped again!!!" (dependant upon situation)

5. Return from said bathroom with pants down and ask them to fasten them.

6. When they ask for the car keys simply reply, "MINE!!!"

7. When walking out of a crowded hall start screaming, "DON'T BEAT ME! DON'T! PLEEEASE! QUICK SOMEONE CALL 911!!!"

8. Rub an entire jar of Vicks Vaporub into my hair and style it into a mohawk ten minutes before worship.

9. Ask, "Why?"...every five minutes. (this one might really prove beneficial during adolescence)

10. Create an outfit so obnoxious with stripes and plaid and polka dots and announce proudly.."This is what I'm wearing to church today!"

Obviously for those of you who know me well, you know I probably will not have the nerve to perform these heinous acts to my kids. BUT I think it is safe to say their dad may.


  1. this might be the best blog posting ever. The vicks part made me actually laugh out loud. also the 911 part....hilarious, you have a few awesome chillens! love ya. cob

  2. Love 'em all! If Katie ever gets in trouble for dressing inappropriately at school, I already have plans to show up in an inappropriate outfit of my own to pick her up, and make sure that ALL her friends see me. Sure, she'll be scarred for life, but she'll never dress like that again!

    :) Laura

    ps - be sure to thank your husband for me; last night, instead of going for coffee with a girlfriend, I got to help Chris clean the basement. Good times. ;)

  3. Heather PhillipsMarch 3, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    Oh my. This post completely ruined my mascara! :) The VapoRub bit was too, too much!

  4. Thanks everyone. What can I say? Well, my mom likes to say...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

    However, I never ever rubbed VICKS on my head...that was just weird. Just in case you ever need to know...peanut butter gets that stuff out but the combined smell will knock you over.


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