Wednesday, January 21, 2009

30 Things You Never Thought You'd Say.

Dave and I have decided to write a book listing all the things we never thought we would say to our children. Some of these I've heard my friends say to their children. Do you have any to add to this list?

1. Don't eat the tree bark.

2. Please don't chew on the table/chair/toy etc.

3. Please don't eat the dog food/water.

4. Please don't chew on the dog bone.

5. Your wiener is not a not pretend to shoot people with that.

6. Licking the car is not a good idea.

7. The fork really is not a brush, let's not use it that way. (thanks a lot Disney)

8. I don't think using your tights as a bikini is such a good idea.

9. No, boys do not wear makeup...ok well except when I was in drama...ok no boys do not usually wear make no... no my boys should not wear makeup...ok?

10. Please don't lick the salt shaker.

11. No, David did not use a light saber when cutting off Goliath's head, sorry.

12. I'm not sure ketchup would go well with... (name of veggie here).

13. Please don't yell "The Jesus drinks are comin'!" during communion.

14. Don't call your sister "banana pants".

15. Don't call your sister a "stink head".

16. Play gently when Noah fights Optimus.

17. Just because the dog goes potty in the back yard, doesn't mean we do.

18. No, we can't return your brother to the hospital. They won't take him back.

19. Peas will not kill you.

20. We don't put beans in our nose.

21. We don't put beans in our brother's nose.

22. Why are there boogers on the mirror?

23. You are not the mommy.

24. Praying for your brother to never talk isn't nice.

25. Grandpa is not spanish for potato.

26. Is it absolutely necessary to name your poo?

27. Don't drink the bath water.

28. Please fight gently.

29. Shooting at the preacher is not good.

30. Your underwear are not supposed to function as a holster.


  1. Ha!!! I'm laughing out loud, my friend. Especially at #5. It would be interesting to get a similar list of items from nurses to confused patients :)

    See you later.

  2. In what sense are you writing the word "wiener?" Wait, never mind, I don't want to know...
    I can add:
    "Superman is not the man who steals"
    "Don't scrub the sink with your toothbrush"
    "the bunk bed is not a jungle gym"
    "don't sit on your brother"
    "don't pin your brother to the ground"
    "I don't care what kung fu panda does, WE do not talk with our mouths full."

  3. Hi, Caryn -- I just discovered your blog. Thanks for the laughs this post brought. -- Laura

  4. My personal faves: 5, 8, 13. This was too funny! :)

    Laura K. (you know, the MI I'm paranoid you'll never know which one I am!)

  5. nice, caryn, nice!

  6. I have thought about doing the same thing (writing the book, that is)! My latest 3 are:

    "It is not ok to write on the baby."
    "Stop putting your fingers in your hiney."
    "Please don't wipe your boogers on my bed."


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