Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Unloveable Me.

Sometimes I feel really pathetic.

I have always watched in amazement those beautiful moms out there from afar and wondered how they do it. You know the moms I mean...they have a new baby and a week later they are wearing their old size five jeans. They always look freshly brushed and ironed while carrying their perfectly organized diaper bag, and they never ever ever look stressed by any slight definition of the word.

Me, however...after each of my children was still retaining what I like to call "water weight" of about fifty pounds, and I always looked like I traveled directly beneath a flock of seagulls (the birds not the eighties band). I still have cheerios in the bottom of my diaper bag even though we stopped buying those things months ago. I am not one of those previously mentioned mommies.

I do realize that while someone may be perfect on the outside, they may not be feeling so swell on the inside, and I have had my share of those days as well. As I know many of you have, too.

To demonstrate my pathetic-ness a little more...I am a total grouch late at night and I have absolutely no will power. There was one diet I went on recently that I lasted less than four hours on. Yeah, that one really set me back in the insecurity department. Oh...and I sing in the morning which has cost me in the roommate department and very nearly my marriage.

I also am very impatient with my kids and expect quite a bit out of them. My temper often gets the better of me, and I've been known to throw light sabers across the kitchen onto the refrigerator. Yikes.

I study conflict resolution so I'm a bit of a confrontational person. It drives me nuts to sit by and watch a problem get worse without saying something, and unfortunately this has hurt many a sensitive person's feelings. I need tact practice every day.

This is beginning to sound awfully confessional-like...but there is a point coming.

Tonight during an evening devotional time with my little girl our verse was Romans 8:38-39.

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angles nor demons,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

This has always been one of my favorite verses. However, tonight I was reminded that of all these things listed in the verse that we should not fear...death, life, angles, demons, height, depth, or anything in creation...the one thing that always gets in the way is me.

Sometimes I get so hung up on my problems. I try and try to do better, but inevitably I fail. I stumble. I fall.

I always laugh when people claim to not want to be a part of organized religion due to all the hypocrites. Of course, hypocrisy is a BIG problem and I don't mean to discount it, BUT our failures are the reason we come together. Our failures that make us daily hypocrites, to some, are the reason God sent His Son. He came because we are failures...that was the point, right?

The point of this post is...we may not fear death or life, we may not encounter angles or demons, we may never skydive or deep sea dive, so of course these things won't separate us from God's love.

What I need to remind myself of is this...

I can't separate myself from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

You can't separate yourself from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Nothing I do or you do will ever stop that love from being there. Nothing.

I will continue to get angry though I try to control my temper.
I will continue to offend people though I try to remain tactful.
I will probably keep singing in the morning and continue to annoy the masses.
I will most definitely fail at diets and probably never clean out that particular diaper bag.


I will never ever ever know what it is like to not be loved by God, nor will you.


  1. We are not failures. We fail. But we are not failures.

    The love of God only exists when we love each other.

  2. The love of God exists. Whether we love each other or not is up to us. That is free will.

    The point of my post was that...regardless of what I do or don't do...HE will always love.

  3. that sounds sweet. thanks

  4. thanks caryn!! that post helped me out a lot and put a different perspective on things for me!

  5. Thanks Caryn! I really really needed to hear that!! It's been a rough couple of weeks with the husband gone.

  6. Amen! I remember the time when I became aware that "me" was left out of the things that cannot separate me from God.

    I think this is the first time I have seen someone else put it in writing. I know when I have tried to talk about it, I get blank looks or arguments that seem to me to not be on point.


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